I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize