I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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