I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
