I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
