walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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