plz talk dirty to me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
