I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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