Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
