I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
