420 ftw
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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