I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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