you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Just high enough for therapy.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
