he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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