We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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