you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize