oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize