Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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