Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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