I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
