why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
