where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
