4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Never underestimate the power of titties
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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