then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
