why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
