if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
