Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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