I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize