After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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