I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
