not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
