would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
