I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
