you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
how drunk are you?
Several
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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