You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
