May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
