I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
