I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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