He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
