it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize