Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
