If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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