Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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