party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
