Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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