I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dick very happy bro
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
