were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
