I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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