Already got asked if we're dating
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize