Grow some girl-balls and come out already
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
