Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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