my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Randomize
