Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
