just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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