Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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