I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
