so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
