Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
