I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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