i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I supernannyed him into submission
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
