people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
