I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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