we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
