I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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