if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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