This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
