This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
