i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
