Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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