I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
