so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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