Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
